This shit is exactly why I avoid flying Southwest

Wear your good underwear

The Netherlands will immediately begin use of its 15 full body scanners to analyze passengers flying to the United States.  The increased security comes in the wake of Friday's failed attempt by a Nigerian passenger to detonate an explosive device aboard Northwest 253 from Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport to Detroit, Michigan.  Umar Farouk Abdulmuttallab passed through a security checkpoint which included baggage scanning and a metal detector during his layover in the Netherlands.  The full body scanners have not been used there due to privacy objections; the scanners show security personnel the body contours of passengers.  Authorities in the Netherlands say they will employ new software that only highlights areas of the body where items are stored, such as pockets.  Still, authorities advise all passengers to wear their good underwear for their flight.

Elf threatens mall Santa

Now you've got to darn near pack heat to go visit Santa. A grown man dressed as an elf showed up to take pictures with Santa at the Southlake Mall. As if that weren't alarming enough, when the man got up to Santa, he confessed he was strapped with dynamite. Santa called the mall cops who called the po-po. The mall was shut down and searched, but they did not find any explosives. William C. Caldwell of Morrow, Georgia, was arrested and charged with making terroristic threats and reckless conduct.

Tila Tequila lost it

Since you haven't been paying enough attention to quasi-adult-film star Tila Tequila, she had to resort to drastic measures. Tila had a meltdown on her live U-Stream channel Thursday stripping naked and ranting about her ex-boyfriend Shawne Merriman abusing her. She called him a "woman beater" and said of herself, “I am an angel…because I am here to save the world with my army.” Ooooookay. So now she's the messiah? Methinks we are all lost if that's the case. Girl get help.

The breakdown comes just days after filing a $1.5 million lawsuit against her ex-boyfriend, NFL star Shawne Merriman, for battery and false imprisonment. Tila issued a statement blaming her unusual behavior on anxiety and flashbacks from the alleged abuse.

Remember that crazy-ass female astronaut who drove halfway across the country with a diaper on to mace a bi*ch?

she plead guilty, apologized face to face to the woman she attacked, agreed to the requirements of her probation, then went home...what if the astronaut's name was GWEN?

Source: CBS

You are buyin' me a six of Key-stone...

crackhead remix of "You Are Not Alone"...

Today is everybody's damn birfday!

Linda Brown showed up to a Columbus, Ohio Burlington Coat Factory in a Hummer limo on Tuesday and announced she'd won the lottery and would pay for each person's merchandise up to $500. Well of course as soon as everyone heard that Shug, Poochie, Auntie DeeDee and Hickie and dem was getting calls and texts to jet down to the Burlington for the big give away. Soon the store was packed inside with cashiers ringing up purchases and a line outside to get in.

Turns out Linda Brown didn't have a dime to her name.

So you know what happened then, angry customers realizing they weren't getting free coats, began throwing merchandise on the floor and grabbing clothes without paying for them. Acording to witnesses: "Everybody was like, 'I still want my free stuff,' and that started the riot. It looked like (Hurricane) Katrina went through the store."

Police were called to the store to disperse the crowd, they're reviewing surveillance video to help capture the looters. Ms. Brown was arrested for three outstanding warrants, fraud, changing clothes while committing fraud, inducing panic and definitely not paying the limo driver. But first, she's sitting in K-Ward undergoing a mental health evaluation.

source: fox news

Only in Florida: Jesus Himself Couldn't Get His Clunker Traded

A woman in the picture above came into the Coggin Pontiac dealership in Jacksonville, Fla a few weeks back looking to buy a car. How she tried to pay for the car is what caught the salesman's attention.

The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office says Emma Harrison, 25, wrote the dealership a check for $67,768 for the purchase of a car, with the names Jesus Christ and Emma Christ on the account. The check was handed over to the financial manager for verification.

But when the funds didn't check out, he called police.

Reports show that Harrison would sign the checks as Emma Christ, or even sometimes sign both Jesus Christ and Emma Christ.

Emma told police Harrison was her maiden name, and she was married to Jesus Christ, and Jesus was coming in next week to sign the paperwork for the car. Somebody told me that once when I did they taxes, this Jesus was in jail at the time.

She also said the dealership called the wrong company to verify the funds. Police looked into Harrison's accounts, and found that she had no money in any of her accounts, so she could not purchase the car. (I wonder what kind of Pontiac she was buying? You know Jesus loves him some Pontiacs.)

When asked about work, Harrison told police she does not work, but she has a traveling website that people deposit money into.

She had three active credit cards in the name of Emma Christ.

Harrison was arrested on three fraud-related counts, meanwhile, we're all still waiting on Jesus to show up.