Mizzou Women's Ballers Do NOT Play

No criminal charges will be filed against the two Missouri women’s basketball players who were accused of assaulting an MU male cheerleader, Boone County prosecutors said Wednesday.

Prosecutors cited varying witness reports and the cheerleader’s decision not to press charges in closing the case against the 'Lady Tiger's' two leading scorers, Amanda Hanneman and Jessra Johnson, who were arrested early last Friday morning on suspicion of third-degree assault.

According to police, Hanneman, Johnson and a female friend had left a bar for Short’s apartment at 36 N. Cedar Lake Drive after celebrating a 49-point win over Texas Pan-Am that night.

Columbia police spokesperson Jessie Haden said a scuffle ensued after Justin Short, a male cheerleader for Missouri’s football and men's basketball teams, called police around 2 a.m. complaining that people would not leave his apartment. Short suffered a broken nose, eye injury and a dislocated shoulder after getting the pom-poms beat out of him by the 6'-1" Johnson and 5'-11" Hanneman. Police said he was taken by ambulance to University Hospital and released around 5 a.m. after he called his mommy. You knew we was gonna dig up Justin's ass too rah,rah,rah...

...Prepare to die!

A North Carolina woman is recovering from bruises, scratches on her face, and a hoof print on her leg after being trampled by a herd of deer in the middle of downtown. The woman was headed to her jewelry store when a herd of deer came out of nowhere. One of the deer kicked her into the air, causing her to land on her head, then the others trampled her on their way from a protest march against the holiday re-release of Bambi.

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Kimbo Slice can't cut it

Street fighter turned Ultimate Fighter Kimbo Slice again failed to live up to hype in last night's match against Roy Nelson. Nelson laid out the inexperienced Slice and rained punches on his hefty frame. The ref saved him with the bell in the first round but had to call the fight in the second to prevent serious injury. UFC president hinted Slice might join the regular lineup on "The Ultimate Fighter"; because, of course, ratings matter more than ability.